By: Kamey Gomez
As people, we can often gauge when something or someone is real or fake, but social media has changed the game to when it comes to our perception of ourselves, others, and what life is truly supposed to be like. Whether we do it consciously or subconsciously, the content we intake from social media can positively or negatively influence the way we live our lives, develop relationships and see the world. It's fair to say that toxicity is at our fingertips. However, it is only through strengthening the relationship with yourself and others that we are able to healthily interact with social media and stay free of toxicity in 2019 and beyond. The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Luiz helps with this all. Let's start!
BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD & DONT TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY.
These days, 90% of Instagram stories are quotes ranging from topics about matching energy to working rally hard. It’s fair to say that we live in a quota/mantra dominated society. Sometimes we forget that some of the quotes and sayings that we see and agree with in the moment, may actually not be healthy for the way we behave and interact with others. These mantras both consciously and subconsciously implants ideas into our thought processes while we're navigating situations. Unfiltered, this creates toxicity.
If we continue to "match" everyone’s energy, when will we have the time to identify, protect and preserve our own energy that is authentic to who we truly are?
There is a difference between allowing people to treat you however they desire and a difference between behaving in ways that are in alignment with your core values. Doing so will allow you to be responsive rather than reactive. It will also strengthen your decision making because you will then be acting from a source of truth and integrity, which is what being impeccable with your word is all about. This all starts with reflection.
Take a look at the tips below to get your life:
1. Identify 5 of your core values in life: loyalty, authenticity, honesty, playfulness, creativity, hard work, etc.
2. Watch a video on YouTube that you've never seen before. Without reading the comments, gather your thoughts on what you think of that video. Did you like the video? Why or why not? If you enjoyed the video, does it reflect any of your core values? Try to get into the habit of having concrete reasons as to why you may like or dislike something. This should be completely unfettered by any external opinions.
3. Don Miguel Ruiz, author of "The Four Agreements" says that being impeccable with your word means to say only what you mean. This sounds basic, but it's true. Ask yourself if you are really meaning what you’re saying when discussing your opinions.
4. The next time you see a quote or saying on your Instagram feed or Twitter account, ask yourself if that post is negative or positive? Is it talking about a pat peeve that reminds you of what you dislike in people, or is it an encouraging/uplifting message that makes you feel good?
5. Un-follow accounts that do no post content that align with what your core values are.
It's 2019, don't feel bad for doing what is best for you and don't gat offended if you 're the person who gets un-followed. The Four Agreements says that not taking things personally means that nothing others do is because of you, rather it is a projection of their own reality.
ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST
You have to understand that everyone is living a reality that is much different from your own. Everyone’s problems, flaws, and strengths are different, and that information isn’t always showcase on social media. These apps allow us to create a perception of what our reality is, or what we want our reality to be. Whether that is having an account that has a lot of traveling photos or
accomplishments or nice outfits, as social media consumers we may never know what it took to create that alternative reality.
Because we don't know this information, we tend to make assumptions and take on the burden of judging or comparing ourselves, thus, lowering our own self-esteem which isn't fair to us and creates toxicity in our lives. Don Miguel Luiz says that “always doing your best will allow you to avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret. So, in order to do our best and live our best lives, see the tips below:
1. Confidence is the root of all things. When you're confident you're not acting from a source of fear. To eliminate fear, you must take action an something which scares you. Boosting your confidence means betting on yourself and your ability. So, try something new every day! A new food, mending a
relationship, a fun activity, a new style. Nike said it best, “Just do it!”
2. Express gratitude! In the notes section of your phone, in your planner, or on a piece of paper, write down all of the things you’re grateful for. Once you reflect on your blessings, you'll never feel like you are lacking, which helps boost your self-esteem.
3. Focus on solutions! Instead of scrolling on social media, day cramming and wishing to have something someone else has- take action! Save the content that is making you feel negative and turn it into inspiration and action so you can see results. This can be anything from working out, saving money for your next trip, or opening yourself up to get into a new relationship… which we'll talk about right now *winks* keep on reading!
DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
Someone once said, "the quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.” You felt that, right? It’s fair to say that once social media was introduced, the dynamics and expectations of relationships did a 360. Back in the day, R&B singers used to be singing their hearts out about how much they love and appreciate their partner. Today, it’s the opposite. Even being in parties, do you notice how many people are sitting down on their phones? If not, observe your surroundings the next time you are out.
The whole point of building healthy relationships is to pour into and nourish
them, but we can't do that with our heads down. Most of the downs of relationships come from miscommunication, and because we aren't clear of what we need in order to feel good in the relationship.
This where not making assumptions comes in handy. Miguel Don Ruiz says, "find the courage to ask questions and express what you really want and communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.
Now, let step up the quality of our lives.
TIPS FOR RELATIONSHIP BUILDING
1. Be committed to not being on your phone during social gatherings, except if it's for photos. Doing this will make you look friendlier and more approachable.
2. Instead of talking through direct messaging, FaceTime someone or meet with them in person.
3. Introduce yourself to someone when you're in a new setting.
4. Tum off push notifications so you're less likely to check your phone mid- conversation.
5. Set up a time during the day when you're not on social media, whether that is in the morning so you can have a batter start to your day or at night so you can truly unwind. Doing this will make it easier for you to stay off of your phone while with company.